-Real story of mine-

Do you believe in love at first sight?! i didn't .. until i meet Rolly three years ago .. through my bestfriend, at the time i thought the attraction i felt for him was just my way "rebounding" from a brokenheart. now however, i've realiezed that it was more than that, im 18 years old right now, im in rather confusing stage of my life and i'm hoping that someone would able to help me .. i really dont know how to expain how i've fallen for him despite the fact that in the three years that we've known each other we've only been together six times ..i guess you can compare my story to that of "HUGH GRANT IN FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL" we only see each other on certain occasions like birthdays and other partie, but i still fell in love with him and we always manage to have a good time togethr... i've tried crossing out my feeling for him in the hopes that the next time we saw each other i wouldn't feel anything the problem is, everytime we see each other, the feeling doesn't fade.. on the contrary, it becomes stronger the more i find out about him, either positive or negative, the more i feel for him just being with him for those six times have beeb enough to make what i feel stronger.. believe me. i tried to move on, to have more meaningful relationship that are more worthwhile than my feeling for Rolly.. i dont know how to move on. Everytime i tried i always go back to the feelings the way i do for him, and strangely enough, the feelings becomes stronger through time, there would be times when i would say to myself that i don't feel anything for him anymore and even get involved with other guys.. then last year, i thought that i would finally have my feelings reciprocated. During a truth or consequence game with his cousins, he admitted that he liked me-- that it just wasn't the right time it was hard to listen to him say that he had a girlfriend but the fact that headmitted that he liked was enough for me then... last febraury, we saw each other again. Unlike the previous year, he was very indifferent. I felt he was trying to block me out somehow. i felt so confused-- but thee moment i see him again the feelings comes back even stronger than before i really dont know what to do. i feel so confused. i dont understand my feelings, i had what i feel but i can't seem to stop. There's not a day that i dont think aboutr him... he doesn't take over my whole life but i have to admit that he has a very special place in it he always will.. My bestfriend thought that maybe he was just trying to hold back what he felt for me since he has a girlfriend, she also pointed out that he probably thought that there would be no use for us to have a relationship anyway because we didn't see each other often but that was her opinion.. as for me, i didn't know what to think, i didn't understand anything at all..

_the boy i want to meet _

“Find a guy who calls
you beautiful instead
of hot, who calls you
back when you hang up
on him, who will lie
under the stars and
listen to your heartbeat,
or will stay awake just
to watch you sleep...
wait for the boy who
kisses your forehead,
who wants to show you
off to the world when
you are in sweats,
who holds your hand in
front of his friends,
who thinks you're just
as pretty without makeup on.
One who is constantly
reminding you of how much
he cares and how lucky
his is to have you....
The one who turns to his
friends and says,
'that's her.'”

- abOut me -

Name: Ann Julien Cruz
Age: 18 years oldBirthday: July 8, 1991
Birthplace: Cotabato city
Current Address: #164 orchids street, domingo village, tagum city
School: STI Tagum
Motto : If others can do, why can't i?!
Course: Information Technology

- who am i -

“I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it -- I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know -- but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.”